作者： system

Stamp Collecting as a Parent-Child Activity

文章作者由system
发布日期 06/08/2024
Stamp Collecting as a Parent-Child Activity无评论

system

Written by: Pang Chi Wah, Registered Educational Psychologist

In recent years, environmental awareness has been on the rise. As a parent, you can cultivate an eco-friendly and meaningful hobby like stamp collecting for your child. This can also serve as a simple and convenient parent-child activity.

Parents who work in an office often need to open various types of mail, which often come with used stamps. While we may think those stamps are worthless, they can actually be great materials for a free parent-child activity. We can bring the different types and sizes of envelopes and stamps from the office back home, and let the children go through the whole process of stamp collecting:

Cut the stamps off the envelopes.

Soak the stamps in water for a while.

Slowly peel the stamps off and let them dry.

Once the stamps are dry, they can be placed in a stamp album.

This process of handling the stamps can not only train the children’s patience and focus, but also enhance their self-management abilities. They can also learn different information from the envelopes and stamps, such as the names of different countries and regions, various denominations, and stamp designs, thus developing their multiple intelligences.

Some parents like to use toys as rewards to encourage their children, such as rewarding them with stickers after they finish their homework. Stamps can actually be more effective rewards. Whenever the child completes certain tasks, they can be given a stamp as a reward, and the more beautiful or rare the stamp, the more effective the reward will be. This not only reduces the negative impact of material abundance on the children, but stamps also have aesthetic value and can be stored for a long time. Most importantly, we can appreciate the stamp album together with the children, which can serve as a tool for parent-child communication.

Additionally, Hong Kong frequently launches new stamps and themed first-day covers, which parents can acquire at reasonable prices to greatly expand the variety of stamps, designs, and sizes for their children. If parents travel or go on business trips abroad, they can also collect local stamps, especially the cheapest ones, like the one-penny stamps in the UK. Parents can also ask their relatives, friends, and colleagues to bring back stamps from their travels or business trips, which can greatly diversify the stamp collection for the children through different acquisition channels.

Why not try this meaningful reward system and parent-child activity with your family?

親子集郵

文章作者由system
发布日期 06/08/2024
親子集郵无评论

system

撰文：註冊教育心理學家彭智華

近年來，環保意識抬頭，作為父母的你，可以為孩子建立一種既環保又有意義的嗜好，同時是一種簡單方便的親子活動──集郵。

在辦公室工作的父母，每天都需要拆開很多不同的信件，而信件上大多會有郵票，雖然我們可能認為那些郵票是一文不值，但其實它們是免費的親子活動好材料。我們可以把辦公室內不同類型和大小的信封與郵票帶回家，讓孩子處理整個收集郵票的程序：

1. 首先將郵票從信封剪出

2. 然後把郵票浸在水中一段時間

3. 把郵票慢慢撕離，然後印乾

4. 最後待郵票乾透後，便可以放在郵票簿內。

在這個處理郵票的過程中，不但可以訓練子女的耐性和專注力，也能夠提升他們的自我管理能力，還可以讓他們從中學習不同的資料，例如信封上不同國家地區的名稱、不同的地址；郵票上不同的銀碼和圖案設計等等，藉此發展子女的多元智能。

有些父母喜歡以獎品鼓勵子女，例如以玩具作為獎品，鼓勵子女溫習或用星星貼紙鼓勵子女努力完成功課。其實，郵票可以成為更有效的獎品，每當孩子完成某些指定的事情，便給他一張郵票作為獎品，而圖案愈美麗、款式愈罕有的郵票，就是愈有效的獎品。此舉不但可以減少物質泛濫對於子女的負面影響，而且郵票具有觀賞價值，又可以儲存很長的時間，最重要的是，我們可以與子女一同觀賞郵票簿，作為親子的溝通工具。

另外，香港經常都會推出新的郵票，亦會定期推出不同主題的首日封，家長可以較相宜的價格換來很多不同款式、圖案及大小的郵票。如果家長到外地旅行或公幹，更可以搜集當地的郵票，特別是那些最便宜的郵票，例如在英國有價值一仙的郵票。家長也可以請身邊的親戚朋友和同事，假如有機會到外地公幹或旅行，可透過他們在世界各地搜集不同的郵票回來，經過不同的搜集渠道，給孩子的郵票款式便可以大大地擴闊。大家不妨一試這個有意義的獎勵計劃及親子活動！

妙用故事書（高智力自閉症幼兒篇）

system

撰文：協康會教育心理學家團隊

自閉症幼兒的智能及言語能力達 5 至 6 歲，又應看甚麼書呢？家長與孩子閱讀時又有甚麼技巧呢？

高智能的自閉症幼兒應該能明白簡單德育故事，家長可參照「社交故事」形式讓自閉症孩子有效理解內容。當孩子對故事內容熟悉了，家長可把主角換成其他真實人物，或是換成孩子自己，好讓孩子慢慢把自己代入德育故事的情景中。故事角色可以變，那麼故事情節也可以有少許改變：例如「婆婆家」可改作「姨姨家」，讓孩子靈活運用所學到的。當然，角色及情節的改變，需要在兒童未發展出對故事細節的頑固之前。至於常用抽象比喻的寓言、童話和神話故事，需待自閉症兒童有能力把知識廣泛化時才可以使用。

在認知方面，當孩子理解能力達到一定水平時，家長可在故事中強調情緒字眼，例如「見到狗，美美很害怕。」當兒童適合學習先後概念時，可強調時間的描述，例如「美美做錯事，之後，說對不起。」因應孩子程度，家長可善用故事書的每一頁，加插或用語氣強調適用的字眼。

在親子交流方面，能力較高的自閉症兒童，可與家長輪流一人一句地講故事，此方法既可訓練孩子接續故事和專心聽別人說話的能力之外，又可讓孩子在參與過程中，加深對故事的印象。家長靈活運用故事書，能夠滿足孩子發展需要和促進親子交流。自閉症孩子常常缺乏假想能力，隨書附送角色娃娃的故事書便大派用場：起初只說故事，後來加入娃娃，然後再逐步減少使用故事書，最後只以娃娃來講故事，並使用「你一句、我一句」的方法，帶孩子走出故事書，慢慢進入假想遊戲的世界。

在社交認知方面，使用漫畫的家長，可用塗改液把人物的「對話泡泡」塗白，然後與孩子一起創作新對話。起初可先塗改某些字詞，當雙方熟習方法後，便可塗改更多部分，直至所有對話都是自創的。勇於嘗試的家長，更可試為孩子度身製作故事書及設計不同的講故事方法，吸引孩子學習所需的社交概念。

The Wonderful Use of Storybooks (For Young Children with High-Functioning Autism)

文章作者由system
发布日期 23/07/2024
The Wonderful Use of Storybooks (For Young Children with High-Functioning Autism)无评论

system

Written by: The Educational Psychologist Team of the Heep Hong Society

For young children with autism who have intellectual and language abilities at the 5-6 year old level, what kind of books should they read? What techniques should parents use when reading with their children?

Young children with high-functioning autism should be able to understand simple moral stories. Parents can refer to the “social story” format to help children with autism effectively understand the content. When the child is familiar with the story content, parents can replace the main character with other real people, or even the child themselves, so that the child can gradually put themselves into the moral story scenario. The story characters can be changed, and the story plot can also be slightly altered: for example, “grandma’s house” can be changed to “aunt’s house”, allowing the child to flexibly apply what they have learned. Of course, changes to the characters and plot should be made before the child develops rigidity towards the story details. As for fables, fairy tales and mythological stories that commonly use abstract metaphors, they can be used only when the child with autism has the ability to generalize their knowledge.

In terms of cognition, when the child’s comprehension reaches a certain level, parents can emphasize emotional words in the story, such as “When she saw the dog, Mei Mei was very scared.” When the child is ready to learn the concept of sequence, parents can emphasize the description of time, such as “Mei Mei did something wrong, and then she said she was sorry.” Based on the child’s level, parents can utilize each page of the storybook, adding or emphasizing appropriate words.

In terms of parent-child interaction, for children with autism who have higher abilities, they can take turns with their parents to tell the story, one sentence at a time. This method not only trains the child’s ability to continue the story and focus on listening to others, but also allows the child to deepen their impression of the story through active participation. By using storybooks flexibly, parents can meet the developmental needs of the child and promote parent-child interaction. Children with autism often lack imaginative ability, so storybooks that come with character dolls can be very useful: initially, just tell the story, then add the dolls, and gradually reduce the use of the storybook, until finally using only the dolls to tell the story, and using the “one sentence for you, one sentence for me” method to guide the child out of the storybook and into the world of imaginative play.

In terms of social cognition, parents who use comics can use correction fluid to white out the “speech bubbles” of the characters, then work with the child to create new dialogues. Initially, they can modify certain words or phrases, and when both parties are familiar with the method, they can modify more parts, until all the dialogues are self-created. Daring parents can even try to custom-make storybooks for their child and design different ways of storytelling to attract the child to learn the social concepts they need.

Is my child particularly smart?

system

Written by: Dr Cheung Kit

On television, there are many advertisements targeting the children’s market, including clothing, snacks, formula milk, stationery, and furniture. One of the key points is to make children more intelligent or to help them fully realize their intellectual potential, which is a good selling point. This sales technique captures a key point in the hearts of every parent – that their own child is the best.

Without discussing the truthfulness, logic, and objectivity of this statement, it is a sentiment that most parents, including the author, would agree with. However, in the process of raising children, this “most intelligent” mentality may lead to unrealistic expectations. Therefore, we can take a step back and take a closer look. In our daily lives, here are five behaviors that fathers commonly use to praise their children:

1. “A 2-year-old child knows many functions of the tablet computer.”

This is because the touchscreen of the tablet computer is controlled by the resistance of the fingers, so a child’s random pointing movements can easily manipulate the screen. Additionally, without the logical constraints of adults, it is not difficult for most children to discover new functions on the device.

2. “A 6-month-old child can observe others’ facial expressions and respond with coy or angry reactions.”

This type of response has been medically confirmed as one of the developmental milestones for all children. This two-way behavioral response, where the child learns by observing others’ reactions, is actually a learning response. Children who lack this type of reaction may be suspected of having sensory issues or early signs of autism.

3. “A 3-year-old child can use adult-like vocabulary.”

Research has shown that children in the early childhood period can simultaneously learn up to six languages, which means their brains can continuously absorb the words and sentence structures around them. Even if they don’t understand the meaning, they can repeat them like a parrot. When adults realize they haven’t directly taught the child, and the child still knows the vocabulary, they may mistakenly think this is a sign of the child’s learning genius, which is inaccurate.

4. “The questions that children ask sometimes are even beyond my ability to answer, they are so brilliant.”

In Hong Kong, one of the reasons why the complaint culture is so prevalent is that there is no cost involved: as long as one voices a complaint, someone will follow up on it without any effort. The questioning by children is a similar situation. They simply use words like “why”, “what”, and “how”, and the parents have to try their best to answer. In reality, these questions they raise are more a sign of their non-compliance, rather than a genuine learning process. So, this is not related to intelligence.

5. “When they play games, they prefer not to follow the rules and set their own new rules.”

Adhering to rules is a social norm defined by the adult world. Children, like people in undeveloped regions, need to learn how to live together and follow the rules. Therefore, if they knowingly do not follow the rules, it is merely an act of rebellion, not necessarily a sign of intelligence. On the contrary, the wiser approach is to first learn the basic rules, and then negotiate to improve them, in the view of the author.

After understanding the above common misconceptions, it is not difficult to grasp what a truly intelligent child is:

1. It is not just about being able to manipulate a tablet or smartphone flexibly, but also understanding how to utilize their functions.

2. The ability to intuit adult psychology is an innate skill in children, and the wisdom to control their own emotions is even more valuable.

3. Language ability is not the sole component in evaluating intelligence; both the “quality” and “quantity” of vocabulary are important.

4. Exceeding one’s personal developmental milestones at a certain stage is quite common, but sustained long-term advancement without being pushed is what truly merits attention.

While intelligence is certainly desirable, good character is also very important.

我孩子特別聰明嗎？

system

撰文：張傑醫生

在電視上，有許多廣告是針對孩子的市場，包括衣服、副食品、奶粉、文具和桌子椅子等等。其中一個重點，就是令孩子更聰穎，或者是令他們的聰明才智能夠發揮得淋漓盡致，便是好的賣點。這個銷售的技巧捉住了每位父母心裡的一個重點，就是自己的孩子是最好的。

我們先不討論這句話的真確性、邏輯性和客觀性，但是只要有子女的父母必會認同，當中也包括筆者在內。不過，在培育孩子的過程中，這種「最聰明論」有可能影響我們對孩子期望過高。所以我們可以站後一步，看清楚一點。在日常的工作中，以下是五個父親常會誇獎孩子的行為：

1.「兩歲的孩子曉得很多平板電腦的功能。」

由於平板電腦的螢光幕是利用手指的電阻控制，所以孩子隨機的手指指向動作 (pointing movement) 很容易操控畫面。同時又沒有成人的邏輯限制，所以不難發現新的功能，大部分孩子都能夠做到。

2.「六個月的小朋友，會看別人的面色作撒嬌和發脾氣的反應。」

這種反應在醫學上已經證實是所有孩子發展里程碑的其中一個表現。這種透過別人的反應而作出的行為雙向反應，其實是一種學習反應，缺乏這樣反應的孩子，有機會被懷疑感觀有問題或是有自閉症的初期表現。

3. 「三歲的孩子懂得用上成人的說話用詞。」

有研究顯示，孩子在幼兒期可同時學習多達六種的語言，這代表他們腦部可以不停聽取身邊的詞語和句式。即使不明白當中意思，也可像鸚鵡學舌的方式重複說出來。成人認為自己沒有直接教導孩子，而他們卻知道，便有機會以為這是天才的學習模式，這是不正確的。

4.「孩子有時發問的問題，連我也解答不到，真厲害。」

在香港，投訴的文化為何這樣盛行，其中一個原因是沒有成本：只要口中有投訴，總有人會替你跟進，不費絲毫氣力。小孩子的發問也是類似的情況，他們只管提出「為何」、「為甚麼」和「甚麼」等詞語，父母只好嘗試盡力作答。在實際的情況，這些提出的問題，只是表示孩子的不服從，而不是真正的學習過程。所以，這與智力無關。

5. 「他們玩遊戲時喜歡不依規則，自己定下新規矩。」

遵守規則，是成人世界定下來的社會定律。孩子與未開發地區的人一樣，需要學習如何一起生活和守規矩。所以，如果明知道需要守規矩而不去做，只是反叛的行為，並非一定是聰明的行為。相反，先學懂基本的守則才在磋商改善，筆者認為更聰明。

當明白以上幾個大家的誤解後，大家不難理解真正聰明的孩子大概是：

1. 並不單是表現出靈活操縱平板電腦或智能電話，而且還了解如何運用當中的功能。

2. 懂得捕捉成人心理是孩子天生的能力，懂得控制自己的情緒更有智慧。

3. 語言能力並不是我們評估智力的唯一部分，詞彙的「質」和「量」皆重要。

4. 只在某一個階段超越孩子個人的發展里程碑是很平常的事，但在無催谷的情況下，長時間的超越才值得注意。

聰明固然是好，好的品德也很重要。

Encountering a ‘mismatched’ child is an opportunity for parents to grow

文章作者由system
发布日期 21/06/2024
Encountering a ‘mismatched’ child is an opportunity for parents to grow无评论

Parenting Tips

Written by: Lai Shun Mei, Family Dynamics Counselor and Global Career Developer

When a child is born, people like to discuss his appearance, using his resemblance to his parents as a topic of conversation, and talk about which attractive features he has inherited from them. As he grows older and his temperament begins to show, they also like to explore whose personality he resembles.

It is generally easier to get along with someone who has a similar temperament because similar personalities and preferences make it easier to connect. If a child has a temperament similar to their parents, it seems to make parenting easier. However, it often seems like God enjoys playing jokes on us by giving us “mismatched” children: an outgoing and lively mother ends up with a quiet and introverted daughter; a hot-tempered father faces a sensitive and sentimental son; a mother who doesn’t understand fun encounters a hedonistic son.

Parents who seek help often share the common issue of having difficulty getting along with their “mismatched” child. They cannot accept the child’s nature, do not understand the child’s behavior, and do not know how to properly guide their child.

The outgoing and lively mother “complained” to me: “My daughter dawdles, is hesitant, and doesn’t dare to make friends outside.” She couldn’t understand: “What’s so difficult about brushing teeth? What’s so scary about attending English class? What’s there to be shy about when meeting other kids?” Why is her daughter nothing like her but instead resembles her indecisive, introverted, timid, and unambitious father? As she spoke, she indirectly revealed to me that her problem was not accepting her spouse and projecting her dissatisfaction with her spouse onto their daughter. Therefore, the issue was not with her daughter but with their marital relationship.

The hot-tempered father had to come for advice because his son only got along with his mother and not with him. He deeply loved his son and did not want him to grow up being overly sensitive and tearful like a girl. The older the child got, the more anxious the father became. However, under insults and strict orders, the child did not become stronger but instead became more withdrawn, clinging to his mother and refusing to leave her side. It was only after understanding the situation that it became clear that this father had grown up amidst beatings and insults. He believed his own strength came from such an upbringing, not realizing that those painful experiences had become implicit memories affecting his relationship with his son.

The mother, who claimed she did not know how to play and did not need to play, was at a loss with her son, who was solely focused on playing. She said her son was careless with his studies but persistently focused on play. How could she change her son’s attitude towards his studies? I was curious about this mother’s claim—who wouldn’t like to play? Seeking happiness is human nature, so why did she insist she did not need entertainment? It turned out that she was also playful as a child but was strictly disciplined by her mother, who did not allow her to “waste” time. Gradually, her life lacked playmates, and when she played with her mother, her mother remained serious and uncompromising, often causing her to lose and feel sad. Over time, she grew to dislike playing games. Her mother “successfully” shaped her into someone who “did not like” to play, someone who appeared strong and focused on studies but was also rigid, insecure, and lacking in joy. No wonder she did not understand how to get along with her naturally joyful son.

It turns out that God “mismatched” children for us with a purpose. He wants us to reflect on our relationships with our spouses and parents, and our own growth experiences through the frustrations of interacting with our children, thereby sorting out these relationships and resolving these emotional knots.

Parents’ lack of acceptance of their children is a reflection of their lack of acceptance of themselves. A lack of confidence in their children is a lack of confidence in themselves. By taking care of “mismatched” children, parents feel challenged and then become aware of their own pain points. With the help of a therapist, they begin a journey of self-exploration. They clarify and straighten out their family relationships, gaining rebirth and growth in the process. Children are born as they are, and there is no mismatch. Let us make good use of this opportunity for growth!

BACK

未分類未分類

遇見「錯配」的孩子，是家長成長的契機

家長錦囊

system

撰文：家庭動力心理輔導員及全球職業發展師賴舜薇

孩子出生的時候，人們喜歡討論他的長相，將他與父母哪裡長得相似作為談資，議論他遺傳了父母哪些漂亮的外觀。大一些，脾性出現的時候，也喜歡探究他的個性到底像了誰。

和自己性情相近的人相處，一般都比較容易，因為個性、喜好上的類近，心也容易走得近，如果孩子與自己性情相近，當家長的，似乎也容易些。但上帝好像喜歡和我們開玩笑一樣，往往給我們「錯配」了孩子：活潑外向的媽媽收穫安靜內斂的女兒；脾氣暴躁的父親面對多愁善感的兒子；不懂玩樂的媽媽遇上享樂主義的兒子。

來求助的父母共同點都是與「錯配」的孩子有相處困難。他們不能接納孩子的天性，不能理解孩子的做法，也不知道如何才能調教自己的孩子。

那位外向活潑的媽媽向我「投訴」：「女兒做事磨蹭，畏手畏腳，在外不敢交朋友。」她百思不得其解：「刷牙有什麼難的？上英文課有什麼怕的？認識其他小朋友，有什麼好害羞的呢？」為甚麼她女兒一點都不像她，卻像那位優柔寡斷，內向膽小，無所作為的父親呢？說著說著，她已經間接告訴我，她的問題是不接納自己的配偶，是將對配偶的不滿嫁禍到他們的女兒身上。所以，問題不在她女兒，而是在他們的夫婦關係上。

那位脾氣暴躁的父親不得不前來「討教」，是因為他兒子只和媽媽好，不和他好，他深愛兒子，不希望兒子長得像女孩子一樣，多愁善感，哭哭啼啼，孩子越大，他越著急。但辱駡、嚴令之下，孩子不但沒有變得堅強，反而出現更多退縮，圍著媽媽不肯離開。明白之下才明白，原來這位父親，就是在棍棒和辱駡聲中長大的。他以為自己的堅強來自於這樣的教育，而不曉得，那些造成他心靈傷痛的經歷，已經成為他的內隱記憶，影響著他與兒子的相處。

聲稱自己不會玩樂，不需要玩樂的母親對一門心思只有玩的兒子束手無策。她說兒子對待學業馬虎大意，對待玩樂卻持久專注，如何讓兒子扭轉對學業的態度呢？我對這位母親的報稱感到好奇，什麼人會不喜歡玩呢？尋求快樂是每個人的天性，為何她堅稱自己是不需要娛樂的人呢？原來她小時候也貪玩的，但卻受到母親的嚴苛管教，不許她「浪費」時間。她的生活裡面漸漸沒有了玩伴，纏著和母親玩的時候，她的母親在遊戲中依然嚴肅認真，對她當仁不讓，於是她常常輸，也常常傷心，漸漸地，她就厭惡玩遊戲了。她的母親「成功」塑造出一個「不喜歡」玩耍的她，一個看起來堅強，專注學業的她，但同時也塑造了一個刻板、自卑、缺少快樂的她。難怪她不懂跟天生快樂的兒子相處了。

原來上帝為我們「錯配」孩子，是別有用心。祂想我們在與孩子相處的挫敗中，反思自己與配偶、與父母之間的關係，反思自己的成長經歷，從而理順這些關係，化解這些心結。

家長對孩子的不接納，就是對自身的不接納，對孩子沒有信心，就是對自身的不自信。籍著照顧「錯配」的孩子，父母感到困難，繼而察覺到自己的痛處，在治療師的協助下，開始自我探索之旅。他們理清、理順自己的家庭關係，並從中獲得重生和成長。孩子是天生的，沒有錯配的，讓我們善用這種成長的契機吧！

The most important thing in teaching children is values

文章作者由system
发布日期 12/06/2024
The most important thing in teaching children is values无评论

Parenting Tips

system

Written by: Senior Early Childhood Education Consultant, Miss Mok Loi Yan

In recent years, news of parent-child tragedies has become increasingly common. The root cause lies in severe deviations in parent-child relationships, familial bonds, and individual roles in family responsibilities. This results in resentment, blame-shifting, and an inability to combat negative thoughts, sometimes leading to the desire to harm others as a form of self-relief.

Guiding Children on the Right Path Through Parental Values

Although parents may feel heartbroken, they cannot turn back time to rebuild affectionate relationships with their children or restore the value of familial bonds. People do not have the choice to select their parents, so they must cherish the relationships they have. However, parents can seize the present moment to let their children know that they are the most selfless people in the world, allowing them to feel the warmth and tenderness of their parents. Since we never know when we might no longer be by our children’s side, the only things that can help them make judgments, prevent them from going astray, and resist negative temptations are the values and parent-child relationships taught by their parents. Children must understand that regardless of whether family life is smooth or challenging, it is a gift and a form of training. Through this training, people become stronger, making it an invaluable element of growth.

When we witness the tragedies of other families and individuals, it serves as a warning to resolutely avoid following the same path. At the same time, parents should realize that when they pass away, the only things they leave behind for their descendants are a lifetime of wisdom, culture, and the character they have instilled in their children. At this moment, what do parents expect from their children? I hope: “Just be a good person.” Storytelling education is a way to impart important values to children, facilitate communication, and build parent-child relationships.

The value of familial affection lies in accumulating intimacy from a young age.

Parents must strive to build intimacy with their children from an early age. The following example demonstrates how a mother can meet her child’s need for security, highlighting the importance of building intimacy and empathy:

One day, a 2-year-old baby suddenly raised their hands and stood on tiptoe, seemingly craving adult affection. We often refer to this behavior as “acting spoiled.” However, the father said, “Hold the baby? Okay, stand properly for Daddy to see first.” At this moment, the baby turned to the mother, raised their hands again, and stood on tiptoe, showing a strong desire for care. The mother immediately embraced the baby and said touching and selfless words to the father: “Ah, the love of Mommy and Daddy is not something the baby needs to beg for; love is always there, and we don’t have many days to be this close. Let the baby feel our love.” This story allows everyone to savor the value, role, and response of being a parent.

Additionally, I have several tips for promoting parent-child relationships and story education to share:

Let your children understand your values, viewpoints, and response methods through your actions.
Do not make your children fear your calls or feel annoyed, including only testing or completing tasks you assign.
Parental instruction methods should only be used in situations that endanger health or life; otherwise, just warn of the consequences and respond calmly to the child’s anger and pain after they face the consequences.
When children proactively share things, encourage them to express their viewpoints, hypothesize by taking on another role, and analyze emotions and thoughts to increase empathy.
Create more opportunities for shared learning and topics, allowing you and your children to have similar feelings and experiences.
If a child’s response in a story shows a deviation in values, such as tendencies toward violence or revenge, express that this makes you sad and guide the child to think of reasonable solutions or the benefits of letting go of the issue.

In summary, everyone has emotional and psychological needs for satisfaction. To help children grow in a balanced way emotionally and cognitively, parents must cultivate themselves to manage their families. Parents need to have the ability to judge and understand the entire value of their child’s life: happiness and contribution. Only then can children inherit and spread the mission of love through your example and teachings.

未分類未分類未分類未分類

教兒最重要是價值觀

家長錦囊

system

撰文：資深幼兒教育顧問莫萊茵小姐

近年親子悲劇的新聞屢見不鮮，根本原因在於親子關係、家庭成員血脈相連的親情和個人在家庭責任的角色上，出現嚴重偏差。結果令怨恨、推卸出現，更無力對抗負面意識，甚至想透過傷害他人而令自己得到解脫。

孩子走上正路　依靠父母灌輸價值觀

父母雖然心痛，但始終沒有辦法回到過去，重新與子女建立親愛情感，修補重視家人血脈相連關係的價值。人亦無選擇父母的機會，只有珍惜緣分。但是，父母可以把握現在，讓孩子知道你是世上最無私的，好好讓他們感受到父母的溫柔和溫暖。因為我們不知道何時不在孩子身旁，能夠幫助他判斷的、預防孩子行差踏錯、抵禦負面誘惑的，只有父母平日教導他的價值觀和親子關係。為人子女的，要明白不論家庭生活順逆，都是一種恩賜與鍛煉。人在鍛煉中會變得更精壯，是無比珍貴的成長元素。

當我們看到其他家庭和別人人生的悲劇，警剔我們堅決不走他們同樣的路。同時，若父母了解到當自己離世時，就只有一生的智慧、文化和為子女建立了的品格留給子孫。此刻，家長們對子女有甚麼期望呢？筆者願：「只要當一個好人。」而故事教育就是帶給孩子重要的價值觀和交流、建立親子關係的好途徑。

親情可貴　自小累積親密感

父母必須努力從孩子小時候便累積親密感，以下的媽媽能把握孩子對安全感的需要，示範了建立親密感和同理心的重點：
一天， 2 歲的寶寶突然舉起雙手，腳指蹺起，似乎非常渴望有成人的愛護。我們一般說這行為是「撒嬌」，可是爸爸說：「抱BB啊，好吧，先站好比爸爸看。」此刻，寶寶轉向媽媽身旁，再次舉起雙手，腳指蹺起，露出非常渴望呵護的神情，媽媽便立即把寶寶抱入懷，並說出感人和無私的說話讓爸爸知道：「啊，爸爸媽媽的愛是不需要小寶寶乞求的、愛是任何時候都有的，而且我們沒有太多日子能夠如此親密，就讓小寶寶感受我們的愛吧。」以上的故事讓大家細味為人父母之價值、角色和回應。

另外，筆者有數個促進親子關係和故事教育的小貼士跟大家分享：

讓孩子從你的行為中了解你對事情的價值觀、觀點和回應方法
不要讓孩子害怕你叫他，或使他感到煩擾，包括每次只有考驗或完成你指派的任務
家長式訓示方法只適用於危及健康或生命的情況，否則只需要提出預告後果，讓孩子碰釘後，以平常反應回應孩子的憤怒和痛楚
當孩子主動告訴事情時，要多引發他說出觀點，提出假設代入另一個角色，分析情感和想法，以增加同理心
多製造共同學習機會和話題，讓你與孩子有相同感受及經驗
如孩子投入在故事中的回答有價值觀的偏差，如暴力、復仇等傾向，需要表明爸媽為此而感到傷心，然後要引導孩子想出合情理的解決方法或放下事情的好處

總結而言，每人都有感情和心理滿足的需要，要讓孩子從感情與認知中平衡成長，父母必須修身方能齊家，父母本身要有判辨的能力，並懂得孩子整個人生的價值：是福樂與貢獻，孩子才能在你的身教和言教下，承傳及散播愛的使命。